Hey all, it’s been a while since I wrote anything out but on a sudden whim I surged from my bed, that I’ve been glued to, and pulled this open again.
Let me start out by saying, I get distracted easily when I start things, hence not posting on this in literal months, but I was in College and finals came up very, very fast.
But I am a procrastinator so that’s to be expected for me. Even still this was not just any other time in college for me, it was my senior year, the last semester. So needless to say I buckled down and worked extremely hard to pass everything and to graduate. And, I did. But that’s not anything “sad” that no one wants to talk about, that’s a good thing that should be celebrated, and it was something I did celebrate. Something I celebrated with family but mainly friends because my group of friends are my family. I won’t go completely into detail but my friends have been there for me more than some of my very immediate family has. So much so that I was told specifically when I was in tears over an incident, “Forget about them, you have us. We’re your family now.”
I was curled up in that big, green pleather (plastic leather) couch balling my eyes out over a situation that weighed down on me heavily. Jessica was standing in front of me, speaking those words to me and I looked up at her and nodded. She was my family. Her and Aidan and so many others, they were my family. Jessica and Aidan, who opened their home to me so many times, who cooked dinner for me, who called me up on Facebook messanger all the time because their phones received no reception at their house, who made me laugh, got me more into video games, and so much more.
My family.
And this is where it gets uncomfortable for you who are reading. On May 24th, 2018 I received a call at midnight. My best friend of 10 years, my “mother”, my sister, and so much more, died. Jessica was gone. She passed on May 23rd, 2018 because of an Asthma attack. I don’t know why I’m writing this, I don’t know what writing it will accomplish. I’m not trying to have a therapy session with total strangers, so I probably won’t tell you how I’m feeling right now. Instead, I’m going to write about her memory. I need to do that, I need to talk about her and what she meant to me. I need to tell the world about this beautiful and amazing soul. I need to shout out loudly what she meant to me and all the things she did for me. It needs to be out there. Even if no one reads it, even if two people read it, it needs to be said.
So I’m sorry if this is strange to you, I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, and I’m sorry if this is too hard for you. But I have always enjoyed writing and since this has happened I haven’t written. I can’t seem to continue the story I was working on, I didn’t want to blog, and I haven’t been working on anything else. But writing is what I do and writing is what will help, and writing is what I’m passionate about. And most importantly, my passions are what Jessica would encourage me to accomplish. So here it is, the start of something that will last for I don’t know how long, but each time I get back on here I’m going to tell a memory that I have of her. A memory that now glows with the tender light of bittersweet bliss, a strange happiness that I even had that moment to share with her. That I was able to climb into my truck and drive down the road to her house, anytime I wanted or needed to. I hope it’ll help someone else to hear what she was like and I hope it’ll help me remember her always because that’s all I am holding onto right now.
